1 . (Saturday Morning) Huh, I have a slight tickle in my throat. *Swallows and feels severe pain, like piranhas gnawing on vocal cords*
2. Me: "What do you want to do Saturday?" Friend:
"Why do you sound like Kermit?"
Me:" It's just allergies." Calls doctor...
3. (Jump to Saturday Night) I think I have Ebola. *Clicks through ALL the Ebola symptoms* Definitely Ebola.
4. (Two hours later) Plagues start with one person. I could be that one single person that brings back some black plague. There was a mouse in my classroom that I haven't killed because I secretly named him and oh my god, he gave me the plague.
5. (10 hours straight of watching Netflix) Me: (coughing) Yes, I need a large pizza with pineapple and do you have oranges? ...
Pizza Guy: Oranges?
Me: I have the plague and need citrus.... hello. helloo.
6. (Sends snap chat of gross tissues and pitiful texts) CAN YOUR NOSE fall off? Is it humanly possible? Great I'm getting forced into a nose job? (No one texts back)
7. What day is it? What time is it? HAVE I LOST ALL TIES TO REALITY?
8. Maybe I should work out and burn the sickness off. *Stands up and makes it to the freezer for ice cream*
9. *Takes Advil* Wait. I might have already taken Advil. The bottle says no more than 8 in a 24-hour period and I just took some an hour ago THEN I HAVE EXCEEDED THE LIMIT BY TWO. *CALLS 911* Why is everyone hanging up on me?
10. *Looks in mirror* Why is there a bump on my chest?
Two bumps. Oh my god. What the heck. *Runs and tells fiancé while looking up mumps on Ipad* Fiance: Those are indentations from the TV remote Me: Oh. So it must be the plague then.
**Moved from former blog page.
About the blog:
Emily Ann Hansen
I'm a writer and teacher living in Baltimore City. I'm originally from Chicago. I graduated from Columbia College Chicago with a BA in Fiction. Instead of babbling, I will list a few of the things in life that make me happy: